On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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