Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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