even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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