worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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