You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
