Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize