with your own penis?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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