A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize