# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
