Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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