i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
