If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
