Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
