I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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