apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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