bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
