After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want a musical about memes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
