that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just high enough for therapy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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