Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
