Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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