i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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