My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
