she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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