hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
