my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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