i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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