Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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