dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We just shotgunned beers for America
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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