I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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