I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
