when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
