Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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