Old men and throwing up are my life now.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize