I need help removing her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
