I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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