Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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