but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
