This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
