We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
