I need help removing her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
