He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
