I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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