i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
