you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
