I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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