but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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