Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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