You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
