Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
