just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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