she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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