I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
