I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
