Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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