he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
