Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
