# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
