I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
