Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
