her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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