is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
