i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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