FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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